i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
