theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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