sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
