hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize