I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
