I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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