when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
try to milk me bitch
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