i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
