i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
