I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize