How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
