Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
