I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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