Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
