found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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