Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
