took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
