If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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