i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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