I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
