Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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