as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
PANTIES FOUND
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