Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
