Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
