in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
