Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
