we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
