True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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