Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
