dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
