nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
