one might say we're banned from that church
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
