didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
