No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
