Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
