in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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