They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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