He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
