i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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