I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dicks are not precious.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
