He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
