Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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