Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
