I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
