She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
