Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
