Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
