CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
