I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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