Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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