She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
