bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
