so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
