who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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