So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
