drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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