Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
