thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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