Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I look better un-naked...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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