I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
