I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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