Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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