It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
