Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
