If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize