Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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