i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
