shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your cock deserves a montage
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
