I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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